Our youngest daughter's birth mother is pregnant again. Words cannot express the anguish I feel even typing those words. Not even 1 year from her placement. Not even before our daughter turned one, she was pregnant again. My heart just breaks for her, this unborn child and of course my daughter.
I cannot help but wonder if this baby is in somehow meant to be a replacement for our daughter. Not that any child can replace another. A loss is a loss. Regardless how many children you have.
She has also requested a visit. After months of no contact and never once responding to any of our letters.
I wonder what she thinks will be different about this visit. When the last one obviously wounded her so badly.
Knowing our daughter as I do, she won't go to her. She won't let her hold her...and even worse, she will probably shake her head no when she comes too close or tries to hold her.
I know she is lost. I know she is hurting. I know she needs Jesus.
But I finally learned something that took me a long time to realize. Maybe too long.
I. Can't. Save. Her.
I Can't. Fix. Her.
...and it was never my job to.
So I'm just going to keep praying for her. I'm going to keep wishing her well.
And then I'm going to get on with the business of raising our daughter.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
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1 comments:
We've had many surprises in our adoption journey and only expect more to come. I'm always wondering when birth parents will resurface. They are lost, and I wish I could point them in the right direction, to Christ. I keep praying for them. I was worried about birth family rejection too when we met with our 11 month old's birth family last week. There was some clinginess, but overall I think it went well.
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