I have a story to share. One that I hope to tell to bring Him glory and to bring you hope.
Now, let me let you in on something God recently showed me.
In my mind I always pictured our ideal adoption situation involving a teenage girl and no drugs or alcohol. Later in our adoption journey I pictured our ideal adoption situation including me getting the call to pick up our child who was already born! I just wasn’t sure I could endure a failed adoption scene in the hospital room after watching the delivery of a child I hoped would be ours. I didn’t feel I could personally deal with the prolonged “limbo” of the situation and how could I take our 4 young children on that journey too? It is one thing to risk breaking your heart, but what parent wants to break the heart of their child? Our children have been fervently praying that God would bless them with another brother or sister. I wanted to protect their young spirits.
Unfortunately, the more I learned about adoption the more I began to feel personally discouraged. Yes, we had FOUR biological children, neither of us were adopted, and my husband was over 40. These were all things I was told did not make us the most ideal of choices for a birthmother. Add to that the fact I was frustrated that our profile wasn’t online and we had not been able to get our book shown to several birth mothers who I just knew were “perfect” for us.
While I was deep in my doubt and despair I even consulted my fertility specialist. I was going to have a baby one way or another. If God wasn’t going to hurry it along, I would have to help Him I thought.
This past weekend we completed our 2 day adoption class, which was the last of our requirements before the grueling wait. On the second day they had a panel discussion and I enviously listened to one adoptive parent tell the story how she came to adopt her son 24 days after they fulfilled their adoption requirements. I couldn’t believe her luck in not having to agonize over whether or not a birth mother would follow through with the adoption plan or choose to parent. Why? Because when she got the call they were asked to come to the office to meet their son! I left the class thinking, “Why not me Lord? I’m just as impatient as she is.”
On the way to lunch I prayed a whiny prayer full of: Why not me Lord? That would be our ideal situation and I cannot take the waiting and limbo. I need a sign. No sooner did I finish my prayer (if you want to call it that) did I notice a a text from our Social Worker which said, “Call me. There is a 12 week old baby girl “.
My heart stopped.
God’s perfect timing. You hear about it all the time.
This precious teen had made an adoption plan for her daughter but had changed her mind just before delivery and decided to parent. Now, 12 weeks later she had realized that her initial thoughts on adoption were true. She couldn’t parent like she wanted to, like she felt her daughter deserved. She had dreams for herself (go to school, get a job, get a car) and the baby (grow up with 2 parents, have siblings, have opportunities, get an education, have a stay at home mom) and it was obvious neither would be possible. All the people who had promised to help her had not. Things had turned out exactly how she said she knew they would when she made her original adoption plan. Yet she still wanted more for herself and her daughter. She wanted to make an adoption plan again. She wanted to meet us.
Fifteen hours later I would meet her, unfortunately without my husband. Exhausted from lack of sleep with a stomach full of butterflies I would meet her. She was everything I imagined, dreamed and hoped for. She was me at 18, except much more mature and with child. She was observant, quiet and soft spoken but very strong. We had a connection. She was like a sister. She wanted me to know she loved seeing the pictures of my kids—-you know, the children who made us “undesirable” to the average birth mother. She said she wanted her daughter to have parents who were experienced enough (okay, older) to help her make the right choices in life. She wanted her daughter to do all the things I already did with our other children. She liked that I was a stay at home mom and on and on it went.
She chose us.
Have I mentioned that is far earlier than my “impatient” plans? The birth mother situations that I (in my impatience) felt were perfect for us, were due in late November and December. Our daughter came to be in our arms 3 1/2 days after our final requirement. Now I see why our class date was moved up unexpectedly—-so that we would have met all of our requirements in perfect timing to receive this beautiful girl into our home as our daughter!
God has a sense of humor like that.
Not only was His timing perfect. It was faster than mine. God’s best for me was faster than my idea of what was best for me. That just blows my mind.
God’s best for us is always, always, better than what we think is best. Don’t you want God’s best for yourself?
For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen.