Speaking Up

It has taken me a long time to learn something very simple.
Speak up for yourself.

When you feel wronged or hurt, speak up. Don't hold it in.
When you hold it in, it festers.
When it festers it grows into something else entirely.
That is never good.

Sometimes you are wrong.
When you speak up for yourself you have an opportunity to discover that.
If you are open to it.

This week I spoke up for myself, only to realize that I misunderstood the other person.
Whew. That felt good.

Another time I spoke up for myself and the other person apologized.
They didn't mean it how it came out. They didn't mean for me to have these hurt feelings.
They didn't want me to feel badly.
They felt badly enough to apologize.
Whew. That felt really good.
Our relationship remained intact.
Neither of us feeling taken advantage of or undervalued.

Later this week I spoke up in another situation.
I have not heard a response and frankly, if I don't it will be okay.
Because, I learned something else.
Sometimes you just speak up for yourself.
More than speaking about the situation.
All the feelings that I felt growing and festering from my hurt point of view.
They are completely gone.
I have no hard feelings.
I carry no ill will.
I no longer feel hurt or wronged.
Even though I am sure it wasn't intentional.
I am not keeping a tally of how I felt I have been wronged, mistreated, misunderstood or whatever the particular feeling was that made me realize I need to speak up!
The slate is now wiped clean in my mind.


After this post I will not even think about it anymore because it is settled.
I just needed that person to know where I stood.
Obviously from my point of view.
I just said the situation could have been handled differently in my opinion.
By speaking up I put an end to the thoughts going on in my head.
Thoughts that frankly could easily escalate and distort the situation.
Christian's believe this is where the devil gets his foothold.
I didn't let that happen because I spoke up.
He cannot put thoughts into my head and allow my feelings to build to anger because its out in the open.
Not festering inside me, away from everyone else.

Whew, I am so glad to be able to move on.
Carrying around hurt is exhausting.

My relationships are very important to me.
I might not always agree with my friends (or even my family) but to know that we respect each other enough to allow the other person to be heard is very important.

It feels so good to speak up, because sometimes we just need to be heard.
I know for me, from the things in my past, being heard is very important.
Sometimes it doesn't matter if the situation changes.
Sometimes there is no situation to change.
I was heard.
And I try very hard to remember that it works both ways.
I also need to be willing to hear.

Do you speak up for yourself? Or are you harboring ill will and hurt feelings that are slowly destroying you out of fear of confrontation? Are you allowing this hurt to distort your perception and your relationships?